Why being constantly judging others would make you miserable

Last Updated on July 31, 2020

  • Judging increases isolation and separation, because it emphasizes our differences rather than our similarities. Whenever you judge yourself or others as being inferior or superior, better or worse, smarter or dumber, prettier or uglier, stronger or weaker, fatter or thinner, richer or poorer, you still feel separate 
  • Judging reinforces our preconceptions and thus limits our experiences. Most of us are constantly judging our experiences, and this keeps us from fully experiencing them. 
  • When you become the judge, you also may become the jury and executioner. That is, you may find ways to sentence and punish yourself

 ~ Quoted from Dr Dean Ornish- Dr Dean Ornish’s Program for Reversing Heart Disease.

Some people develop judgmental attributes through childhood and environment conditioning. We tend to just pass on judgement at someone with a single look, being fixed and sure that they are like that due to our assumptions.

I find that in life, things are often not what they seemed to be. What that is real may not be as outwardly displayed. It is unfair to be judged by others, hence we should not really judge other people.


  • people who are rude and blunt may first offend your feelings. But at least they are people who you know tell you what you want to hear, even though sometimes the truth hurts. If you form negative judgement of them, then you may lose the potential of a good friendship with them. I don’t know about you, but I would rather people who are honest and blunt than the polished fake type who are there to make use of others
  • people who have a weight issue may not be lazy, unmotivated and no willpower. Some people use eating as a coping mechanism for trauma. Some may be overweight because they suffer from auto immune disease whereby the medications that are prescribed (mostly steroid based) would make them gain weight.
  • not all problematic kids are bad. Sometimes they grow up without any nurturing or support that causes them to resort to violence and even crimes because that is what their surroundings have taught them.

Even if we are right in our assumptions now, we will never know for in future the person may change. Either for better or worse. If our views are already cast in stone, then we may be shocked or disappointed. In my observation of those with heart disease, I do find a certain cynicism and perhaps a tinge of hostility in them. It is also not easy to make them change their views.

Being raised in the city, I used to have very fixed patterns of thinking. However when I took a break from the corporate life to stay in Thailand, I am touched by many of the people I met when I stayed in rural areas. They do not form judgement and they are trusting, genuine and spontaneous. Even though they may be poor and sometimes live in places with no electricity, wearing worn clothings, they are the happiest people that I have ever seen. Doesn’t being like that make us much happier?

Well, you may say that if you are not careful, you may end up being cheated or face disappointments. After all, the modern world is filled with scammers, crooks and liars. Yes, you are right but one thing to keep in mind:

We can be kind and compassionate but it does not mean that we should be stupid. Know our limits, of what we can do and set boundaries. Learn to say no. But don’t drive ourselves miserable judging and thinking the world is evil and bad. If people have hidden agendas or a manipulative, it is their problem and they would not find happiness when they are in that state.


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