Lower back problems and lack of support in life

Back, Mind-Body Connection, Posture

The lower back acts as a support that holds our body together. Inactive lifestyle, being overweight, past injuries and sitting positions have been identified as the main causes of lower back problem. The recommended prescription: Exercise, more stretching, develop a strong core, sleeping on a better bed, and note ergonomic aspects when you are working.

What if you have done all the above, but find that your lower back is bothering you? You attend Pilates and yoga classes religiously, got your boss to buy you a good office chair and sleep on an expensive bed that is supposedly good for your back. But your back still hurts and nothing shows up in the medical scans- why?

You may be able to find the answers in the kind of support that you receive in your life. Do you have adequate support in life- mostly emotionally?

If the pain is more pronounced on the left side, it could relate on the feminine aspects of our personality or the females in our lives. If it is on the right, then it could either be the masculine aspect of our personality or the males in our lives.

Sometimes at work, we are very much on our own- our bosses does not support us and our subordinates give us all kinds of attitude problems. The feeling of being unsupported and the deep wish for help and acceptance can express themselves in a chronic lower back problem.

Or if we want to venture in something like a business venture and everyone’s dead set against it. Not only we receive no support, but we are constantly being put down and being told that we cannot make it. It hurts even more when the lack of support came from people who we loved the most. Then we run into problems in our life’s direction and had no one to turn to- in this period of crisis, our back problems seemed to flare up. We thought that perhaps it is due to working too hard and insufficient exercise. But if we do have the time to go for exercise or massage, we may find that it only offers temporarily relief. After a while, it flares up again- especially so when we are stressed and overwhelmed.

Let’s say that our little business venture suddenly become a multimillion dollar business. Suddenly people who have been ignoring us and family who have been pouring cold water at us warm up and look at us in a different light. We receive nothing but praises and pats on the back wherever we go. When that happens, we may find that strangely, the back problem will disappear. Why? Because if the cause is a feeling of lack of support and a deep desire for recognition and acceptance, once we have received that, the back mysteriously recovered because the cause is no longer there.

 What if we feel there’s lack of support and also suffering from back problems?

In life, we can never please everyone. Sometimes, we need to understand that we need to live our life on our own terms. Not living someone’s else dreams and ideals. Not becoming a puppet and pleasing people.

If we have lived a majority part of our lives trying to please others, the initial time we are trying to stand firm on our decisions can be tough and terrifying. More so that during the initial part we may meet with obstacles. Take it as a test of our determination and sincerity.

When that happens, we can ask ourselves:  What’s the worst that could happen?

Worst case scenario, we can screw up but if what we want to do matters to us personally, we owe it to ourselves to give it a try. But at least we know and will not be wondering and regretting or asking ourselves the “what ifs” question.

Learning to accept and love ourselves and be willing to forgive ourselves for mistakes are the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves. When we do that, we are essentially healing ourselves on the inside.

Perhaps with our loved ones we could negotiate a compromise- perhaps we ask for a predefined amount of time and also try to put ourselves in their shoes- ie why do they try to block or stop us? Most of the time, it’s nothing personal- our new direction and decisions could connect to their deepest fears and therefore we face with a lot of objections. Therefore, they could not share our dreams. By understanding the fact, it enables us to have more empathy, understanding and patience when facing them. The environment then becomes less hostile.

 A little physical exercise still help that back a lot

Take deep breaths. Learn to calm down. Simple low impact exercises- like cycling on the stationery bike or cross trainer, coupled with lots of stretching may not cure that chronic back but can relief some of the buildup tension. Exercise also helps us to relax and calm down. It may not take away the pain, but there will be some relief.

If we don’t exercise, all that build up tension and stress stored in our muscles and heart would give us undue health problems (related to high blood, arthritis,  and pain) in our later years.

The good thing that comes out from this is that if we really could truly learn to stand on our own two feet, and live truly independently regardless of where we are.

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