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Why No One Cares After I leave

Success, recognition, fame and popularity that we enjoy seemed to be a fleeting moment in the sands of time. We may be popular today but sink into obscurity tomorrow or the day after.

When we are high and above, everyone wants to get around us and get to know us. People recognize us on the streets no matter how we try to disguise.

Just like how popularity comes, it can be brief. It feels terrible to realise that no one seemed to care- or depressing at times. Why I want to write about this topic here in my health blog is because I know many of us go through this situation at one part in our lives. That people are with us when we have some use for them and discard/ ignore us when our use to them ran out.

Many people sink into depression and get emotionally affected- issues with self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence comes into play. At worse (like in famous people who suddenly find that they are replaced by someone younger, prettier and sexier), they get into destructive habits- like drinking, smoking and drugs when they are not able to deal with the situation. We can see that how our negative emotions play an influential role in making us consciously and unconsciously wrecking our health. So, I thought it would be good to get this out in the open and perhaps try to open up your heart a little.

The unappreciated selfless employee

No matter how hard, helpful or efficient you work in your job, people would soon move on after you resign or retire.  Sometimes they forget about you. This is a fact of life.

When you move on from the company, they move on too. If you leave your crappy job (sometimes without another job), your former colleagues would be too busy shouldering all the crap that they have no time to keep in touch. It’s not because they don’t care- but because they have so many things to look after- their jobs, their family,  extended families, finances, cleaning the house, pursuing their hobbies, destressing, catching up on sleep during the weekend, etc. That’s why they did not reply your email, sms or Facebook message.

They have moved on…. and you have to too.

Don’t take this personally

Don’t take it personally- because it would be silly if you do. With the tables reversed, you would have done the same thing too, rite?

I served my first company for 9.5 years- working hard and mostly late nights. Due to my outspoken but protective nature, I’ve made friends as well as enemies. When I resigned without a job to take a short break, most of my former colleagues congratulated me for my courage… and then faded from the radar (except for a handful that still took the trouble to keep in touch).

It’s nothing personal because throughout my years of work, many whom I’ve came to know as friends have resigned and left. They would remain in my memory but I know that as we ran out of topics to talk about, the relationship would seemed to distance off. My previous (and this current) company are not an easy place to work in- if we still want a life, we have no choice but to prioritise. Hence, you need to understand why your former colleagues may not have time to meet up with you.

Don’t take it personal. Don’t be sad or cynical. No matter how selfless we claim we are, we often form relationships in which we are expecting some kind of reciprocal gain from it. A simbiosis or win-win situation is better. Of course, with time, genuine love and giving comes in- in the instance of a spouse taking care of his/her sick spouse.

But that’s in a marriage or family relationship. It is not the same as the relationship we have with our colleagues.

Work for yourself, not for others

Yes, we all need the money.  But what I meant about working for yourself- to try to turn your work into a cause or value that you believe in. To use your job as a further extension and tool to reach your highest potential.

Sounds too far fetched? Well, do you notice that when you quit your job due to a certain issue or personality type that you cannot stand, you would face this again in your next job? Challenges are put into our lives for a reason- and those who try to run away would invariably have to come back to face it again- sometimes the situation is even worse.

Therefore, it is to your personal growth and happiness if you channel the energy – invest in yourself and your skills and abilities. To build up virtues like patience, tolerance, understanding and compassion for others.

It is much better that way than to spend time in office gossip and politics. Because in the end when you leave, those things would not matter. I mean, would you care about what this so-and-so manager did or do 5 years after leaving your company?

But your skills and those positive virtues- they follow you wherever you go. And what’s more, once you overcome one challenge (especially over your personal limitation), the next one gets easier. Or once you have learnt to dealt with certain difficult situations, the next time a similar situation presents itself, it is nothing to you whereas other people are shaking in their pants.

Remember those days from schools where everyone sang songs about ‘never say goodbye’ and ‘friends forever’?  Fast forward 5, 10, 15 years, how many of them are you still in regular contact with? It’s not that they forget us- but it’s because their life had taken a new direction- and those who are married with kids and having problem finding reliable daycare would be able to tell you. Suffice enough that the sweet memories of the good old days remains in the heart.

‘It’s good while it still lasts’- so when we are together, we make best use of our time with our friends and colleagues. When the wind of change come and it’s time to part, part with an open heart. Don’t hold it against anyone if they failed to faithfully keep in touch.

 

 

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